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Counseling Corner
It’s Time to Talk About It
By Marty Marsh Jacobs
Shhhhhh! We don’t really want to talk about it. It’s too uncomfortable. The thought of it enters the dark recesses of our emotions, yet we pretend it happens to somebody else. If it does happen, most of us want to cover our face, curl into a ball and hide. Sleep is a faded, distant memory and when it comes . . . there are nightmares. Numbness, shame, and guilt creep in covered by a layer of fear, anger, betrayal and depression. Usual friends, places and activities are avoided because someone might notice . . . figure it out.
It’s time to talk about IT. It’s called rape, sexual assault. April is designated as National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. The goal is to raise public awareness about sexual violence and provide information about reducing risks, reporting and recovery.
Sexual assault is equal opportunity. Victims come from all walks of life. They may be of any age, gender, race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic group. This also applies to the assailant. Sexual assault can be by a stranger or someone the victim knows. College aged students are at the highest risk for being sexually assaulted. The majority of these assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. Date rape is forcing sex on a date. Acquaintance rape is sexual assault by a friend, neighbor, co-worker, fellow student, neighbor, etc.
No one has the right to force someone else to have sex. More important, no one ever asks to be raped. Most people are aware that it is against the law for a stranger to sexually assault someone, but don’t realize that it’s against the law to force someone they know to have sex against their will. As hard as it is to reach out after a sexual assault, it’s harder to go through it alone. Reporting an assault to the police does not obligate you to pursue prosecution. You have the right to change your mind. Please consider that evidence can be lost if you don’t report it immediately. More important is being checked by a medical professional. It is possible to become pregnant or exposed to STD’s as a result of the assault. Injuries need to be treated as well. If you have reported the assault, Victim’s Assistance programs will cover the cost.
The police can refer you to counselors and agencies that can help you. Reporting gives you the opportunity to feel stronger and safer by regaining some control over what happened. Sexual assault takes away from the victim control over the most personal and private aspect of their life: what happens to their body. Taking back control is the beginning of healing. Most perpetrators are repeat offenders. Your reporting and follow through may help prevent someone else from becoming a victim.
Prevention from becoming a victim begins with being aware of the possible risks and looking out for each other. Be aware of your surroundings. It doesn’t matter if you are walking home from the library or leaving a party. Pay attention. Learn the routes home that are well lit. Be aware of where the emergency phones are on campus. Are there any people around you who might help you in an emergency? Decide ahead of time what a safe exit strategy might be. It’s also a good idea to use the buddy system and travel with a friend. Your cell phone is a tool for safety. Keep it fully charged. Have 911 and UPD’s number (903-886-5868) on your speed dial. Be prepared to send a prearranged text to a friend for assistance if you are feeling uncomfortable with someone. Friends are a two way street. Watch out for your friends. Arrive together, watch out for each other and leave together. If your friend seems too intoxicated for the amount consumed, out of it or is acting out of character, get your friend to a safe place. If you suspect they may have been drugged, contact the police for emergency assistance.
Drink responsibly and know your limits. Never leave your drink unattended. Don’t accept drinks from someone you don’t know and trust. Watch your drink being prepared and avoid punch bowls. Above all, don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. If you feel unsafe with someone, don’t hesitate to lie if necessary. Your safety comes before someone’s feelings. Make an excuse to leave.
If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it’s not your fault. Remember that you aren’t alone. The Counseling Center is there to listen and understands what you are going through. Don’t hesitate to call 903-886-5145 or stop by 204 Halladay Student Services. Other helpful resources include: Crisis Center of Northeast Texas, 903-424-9999 and the National Sexual Assault Hotline, 800-656-HOPE.
Health Watch
If you are sexually assaulted and want to report the assault to the police, it is important to preserve the evidence.
- Do not shower, bathe or douche.
- If the mouth is involved, avoid drinking anything or brushing your teeth.
- Don’t change your clothing. Take a change with you to the hospital.
- If you feel you must change, preserve the evidence by carefully placing your clothing in a paper bag.
